Joy

I love it when the goddess paints
Part of a bush yellow
So it looks as though
The sun is shining on it always

Summer '05

Another New Year

I want New Year's revelations
Not resolutions
Promises melted by morning
Leftovers cold and unwanted
(The food feels that way too)

Winter '05

If I could have had it every day
I wouldn't have wanted it anyway
This wasn't on my wish list or my maybe-someday scrapbook of the memories I plan
It was on a silver platter
Before I was even hungry
Not that it matters
From here
Can't blame the mouse for the cat game it plays
But you keep building up just to tear down
Into the process and not the result
And I will not be demolished

(Winter '05)

Hello, It's Me Again...

I'm walking alone
And I am strong
And wholly me
Without the you
Head held high and the world is my
All you can eat oyster bar
And all the Prince Charmings are waiting patiently for my call
Eating bon bons by the phone
Wondering if I miss them
Like they miss me
And you
Are waiting too
But with bold assumptions
Thinking you are in my bloodstream
And caught in my throat
Inescapable
Unattainable
Your humility is fading like your memory
Pale blue eyes blending into endless sky

(Winter '05)

Private #3

I'm drinking vermouth
Too straight too fast
But it's not chasing my demons away.
I'm still feeling lonely desperation,
And the perils and paralysis of a non-exsistent relationship
That is real enough
To touch
Sometimes.
And I know a couple of people who think this pain makes me lame
And another couple of hearts that ache along with mine
But is it really so hard
To define and then find the human treaures of our varied destinies?
I'm too rough and tumble for a pretty prince
And unsure how I feel about the expensive figureheads of monarchy
And I do not want a blind brute of a defender
As I am wrong too
Often.
I want someone to care where I was,
Where I am.
On occasion
Worry.
But none of these too much.
Lust after me like a stranger would
With hopeful hungry glances;
Lust after me like a new lover
Eager, passionate, and shy to explore.
Want me
Think of me
Because I want to love
And lust
And want
And give it all
And build an empire
For others to base their dreams on.
Is that really so hard?

Naturally

I am pouring myself onto you
Like fragrant rain on a scorching day
And just like nature
We are steam on contact.
I am trying to inhale you,
Absorb you,
Tattoo you with this moment so that you cannot forget me when I'm gone.
I'm peeling back your layers
And you have me in your grips
And if the world
Were to collapse
Right now
I would merely sigh against you and savor the seconds we have left.
And even if we were showered with fire
While the sky fell and the earth dissolved
I would still
Lick the sweat
From your chest
And relish the feeling
Of you inside me
And my soul in my throat.

(Summer '05)

Private #2

Okay.
So delving deep
Into my fears and doubts
Isolation and panic
Will it always be this way?
People keep fading out of my life
And I'm always somehow convinced there is more
New and improved greener grass.
The sandman owes me sweet dreams and happy endings
But that's just silly fairy tale righteousness.
I sucked in my aura today to nourish myself.
Can't afford to glow when I'm empty.
Not ready to burn or fade
And certainly not to walk alone.
We can only reach out in the limited time opportunity of this life
Though we will be our selves forever.

(Summer '05)

The curse of the moment
Is that I am in too much pain
To find the words
To express my pain poetically

(July 19-05)

Romancing Summer

Summer's unfolding her lush picnic basket
From its place packed away amid the heady scents of barbecue memories and first loves
Where it has been stashed, sealed and secured
Unseen since the last sunburnt sweaty dream.
Even as I sink into a steamy, sultry, waking jazz fantasy,
Even as the sidewalk bakes and breathes on me,
I know that it's the one who holds me as the fireworks rip the sky into rainbows
That will help me build my myths and history
As the seasons slide by.
And I
Would carve our names into a heart on a tree
If I could ask the tree's permission
And yours.
Instead I will thread our story
Through the blades of grass
A weaving of our paths
A tell tale tapestry of our shared steps
And we
Will fall in
Among the mystic dreamers and the urban legend of everlasting love
And perhaps never even notice
The icons we've become.

(Summer '05)

Private #1

If I were to write
As though no one would ever read these scratches in the sand,
If I am to envision my parched pages swirling around abandoned streets
Once everyone who could've digested them
Has long since disintegrated,
What new truths would burst unafraid from my pen?
I've had a rough morning and I want to spill my guts to you.
Not sure you care to listen.
I want to cry my tired eyes out on your warm, tan shoulder.
I want your arms to brace me against the world.
I can't see the future from here
But right now you make me feel alive,
And somewhere in the past you were mine.
Of course
I do hate being wrong;
Failure is exhausting,
But hope can kill you.
And even though you wouldn't want to read this,
You'd like it if you did.
This is misery
Destiny
Exploding poetry
A simple change of scenery.
I want you to know me,
And to smile with me
About how laughter is sometimes magic
(Especially at the wrong times).
And to burn with me
To dream with me
And believe with me
That love can be a wild eyed soul stirring journey into eternity.

(May 26-05)