Sunday

So many false idols
Only one you
With every kiss you claim me
With every touch
Something
Soulful
Passes
Between us
And silence does not feel stagnant
Or like panic
But rather
The warmth
Before dreams come
And they made Sundays holy
Because they foresaw ours
Jellybean sugar sunshine
Pouring onto our smiling skin
The colours are all chemical afterglow
And I am blessed
By today
With you
Every detail
Even the small perfect bee
That freeze framed before our eyes
So that we may admire
And it may too
Eager to see the fresh
And mystic
Lovers in its midst
The drums beating
For these two fallen stars

I know that it is improbable
And fanciful
But mercifully it is mutual
And beautiful
A foundation in progress
Fresh tale unfolding
And it feels familiar
Like sun baked bones and cool grass
And it's the electricity before a storm
The fire
And the fragrant rain

Minor Confessions

Overpriced coffee with extravagant names really is better.

I like eating with my hands.

I feel like the fat girl.

Sex is an intimacy, not an accessory.

I pick scabs and pop zits.

I watch reality TV.

My ankles are calloused from too many crosslegged days on concrete.

I love the smell of books.

I have no capacity for moderation.

If I were a guy, I'd eat everything all the time and never worry.

Chocolate is the nectar of the gods.

I'm a romantic at heart.

I hate being a romantic at heart.

Fireworks make me cry happy tears.

Breakthrough

It's been raining for days
But finally the world has washed that last bitter season
Out of her proverbial hair
And the fresh greens and smiling flowers
Are waving triumphantly through the blooming night
And a perfect spring sunset has slashed through the grey clouds
And it's all got my expectations racing
Short term future daydreams
Falling into place
Along with the blossom petals that pave my way
Into the beautiful unknown

These are the same streets
It's me who keeps changing
Imperceptibly racing
The days pass over me
Reforming me
Every moment
A pebble in my river
Unnoticed maybe
But I'm moved

Moment

He stood
In the rain
To see me better
And when I said
He'd come a long way
For nothing much
He made me know
That I was more than that
And asked if there was anything that I needed
Anything more he could do
Just to make me smile
It seems
Which seems to be a touch
Of something lovely

I don't know how
You induce me to say
The craziest things
Only that I feel
You should know me
Well
For future reference
Because
In the future I see
From my obstructed view vantage point
I will want you close

Wish List

It's funny how stories go
How plots unfold and noses grow
And how some spines are wont
To melt when the kitchen gets too hot
But I
Have stopped wasting my precious salt
On feeble dreams not worth their own
This time I'm fixin' to build out of stronger stuff
I have a plan
I'm just short on material
Capable of building something bigger
Than whitewashed fenced in mindsets and strip mall escapades
I am not willing to be
The ball
Or the chain
Around some unwilling eye rolling ankle
I am looking for paired pedestals
Not some cardboard cutout to bring home
To plastic dinners
I am on the prowl for something so real
That it will hold up
Under the beauty of blessed skies
Or the foul exhaust of concrete night
I want something
That in the grand finale
Of our happily ever after
Will cradle us
And feed our dreams

Joy

I love it when the goddess paints
Part of a bush yellow
So it looks as though
The sun is shining on it always

Summer '05

Another New Year

I want New Year's revelations
Not resolutions
Promises melted by morning
Leftovers cold and unwanted
(The food feels that way too)

Winter '05

If I could have had it every day
I wouldn't have wanted it anyway
This wasn't on my wish list or my maybe-someday scrapbook of the memories I plan
It was on a silver platter
Before I was even hungry
Not that it matters
From here
Can't blame the mouse for the cat game it plays
But you keep building up just to tear down
Into the process and not the result
And I will not be demolished

(Winter '05)

Hello, It's Me Again...

I'm walking alone
And I am strong
And wholly me
Without the you
Head held high and the world is my
All you can eat oyster bar
And all the Prince Charmings are waiting patiently for my call
Eating bon bons by the phone
Wondering if I miss them
Like they miss me
And you
Are waiting too
But with bold assumptions
Thinking you are in my bloodstream
And caught in my throat
Inescapable
Unattainable
Your humility is fading like your memory
Pale blue eyes blending into endless sky

(Winter '05)

Private #3

I'm drinking vermouth
Too straight too fast
But it's not chasing my demons away.
I'm still feeling lonely desperation,
And the perils and paralysis of a non-exsistent relationship
That is real enough
To touch
Sometimes.
And I know a couple of people who think this pain makes me lame
And another couple of hearts that ache along with mine
But is it really so hard
To define and then find the human treaures of our varied destinies?
I'm too rough and tumble for a pretty prince
And unsure how I feel about the expensive figureheads of monarchy
And I do not want a blind brute of a defender
As I am wrong too
Often.
I want someone to care where I was,
Where I am.
On occasion
Worry.
But none of these too much.
Lust after me like a stranger would
With hopeful hungry glances;
Lust after me like a new lover
Eager, passionate, and shy to explore.
Want me
Think of me
Because I want to love
And lust
And want
And give it all
And build an empire
For others to base their dreams on.
Is that really so hard?

Naturally

I am pouring myself onto you
Like fragrant rain on a scorching day
And just like nature
We are steam on contact.
I am trying to inhale you,
Absorb you,
Tattoo you with this moment so that you cannot forget me when I'm gone.
I'm peeling back your layers
And you have me in your grips
And if the world
Were to collapse
Right now
I would merely sigh against you and savor the seconds we have left.
And even if we were showered with fire
While the sky fell and the earth dissolved
I would still
Lick the sweat
From your chest
And relish the feeling
Of you inside me
And my soul in my throat.

(Summer '05)

Private #2

Okay.
So delving deep
Into my fears and doubts
Isolation and panic
Will it always be this way?
People keep fading out of my life
And I'm always somehow convinced there is more
New and improved greener grass.
The sandman owes me sweet dreams and happy endings
But that's just silly fairy tale righteousness.
I sucked in my aura today to nourish myself.
Can't afford to glow when I'm empty.
Not ready to burn or fade
And certainly not to walk alone.
We can only reach out in the limited time opportunity of this life
Though we will be our selves forever.

(Summer '05)

The curse of the moment
Is that I am in too much pain
To find the words
To express my pain poetically

(July 19-05)

Romancing Summer

Summer's unfolding her lush picnic basket
From its place packed away amid the heady scents of barbecue memories and first loves
Where it has been stashed, sealed and secured
Unseen since the last sunburnt sweaty dream.
Even as I sink into a steamy, sultry, waking jazz fantasy,
Even as the sidewalk bakes and breathes on me,
I know that it's the one who holds me as the fireworks rip the sky into rainbows
That will help me build my myths and history
As the seasons slide by.
And I
Would carve our names into a heart on a tree
If I could ask the tree's permission
And yours.
Instead I will thread our story
Through the blades of grass
A weaving of our paths
A tell tale tapestry of our shared steps
And we
Will fall in
Among the mystic dreamers and the urban legend of everlasting love
And perhaps never even notice
The icons we've become.

(Summer '05)

Private #1

If I were to write
As though no one would ever read these scratches in the sand,
If I am to envision my parched pages swirling around abandoned streets
Once everyone who could've digested them
Has long since disintegrated,
What new truths would burst unafraid from my pen?
I've had a rough morning and I want to spill my guts to you.
Not sure you care to listen.
I want to cry my tired eyes out on your warm, tan shoulder.
I want your arms to brace me against the world.
I can't see the future from here
But right now you make me feel alive,
And somewhere in the past you were mine.
Of course
I do hate being wrong;
Failure is exhausting,
But hope can kill you.
And even though you wouldn't want to read this,
You'd like it if you did.
This is misery
Destiny
Exploding poetry
A simple change of scenery.
I want you to know me,
And to smile with me
About how laughter is sometimes magic
(Especially at the wrong times).
And to burn with me
To dream with me
And believe with me
That love can be a wild eyed soul stirring journey into eternity.

(May 26-05)